Flexibility
How flexible are you? No not in the yoga sense. In an
emotional sense. Are you rigidly locked into doing things the way
you always have, the way your mother did, the way you learned in
school? Much stress can be caused by our inability to bend. If,
for example you are convinced that using time outs with your
children is the only way to discipline them, yet enforcing time
outs rarely leads to a desired outcome, then do you keep taking the
same approach, just louder or more frequently?
One mama has a strict rule- no snacks before dinner.
Frequently her kids are hungry, whiny, and irritable while she is
trying to get dinner ready after a long day at work. She restates
"no snacks before dinner, we have never snacked before dinner and we
are't going to today". She may go on and on about why... but the
kids are melting, and her anxiety and stress levels are rising.
Soon she is barking directions at them, they are crying, she has a
headache and dinner is still 30 minutes out. She is stuck. Maybe
this is the way we have always done it, and it may have worked in
the past, but is it working currently? not really? She could be
flexible and offer fruit or other light snacks in order to
keep everyones blood sugar from plummeting and to create a calmer
evening.
I have worked with countless mamas who come in with relationship
issues. The stories are predictable. They report
having young children at home, they are broke, they have little
support and they have NO couple time. They are fighting with their
spouse, feel at their wits end etc. Then they say they are
vehemently opposed to using any day care or babysitters, and give a
long list of reasons supporting their choice. Oh. That explains a
whole lot. I absolutely respect their values about childcare,
however, I have to ask, is that working for you now? What part of
this equation is flexible?
Take time today to identify areas where your predictable response
or approach is not working so well, even increasing your stress.
Where are you stuck? Are you willing to try something different?
Adapt your reaction? Respond differently then you have for the past
twenty years?
Surprise them.
Surprise yourself!
Rachel Starck
Nov 2010
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